Commentary About Mitt Romney's Secret NAMBLA Manifesto

Hey, everyone. I'm Bryan Sellers, a friend of Spike's. He's in critical condition here at the church's shelter after listening to the entire discography of No Age, but before he passed out he said something about updating his blog for him. He also whispered something about "putting the ice in him", but I'm not exactly sure what that means. Anyway, I thought I would honor his wishes by posting an editorial I wrote here. If you feel inclined, you can print out what I wrote and send it into one of the few decent papers out there like the Wall Street Journal, Washington Times, or the Orange County Register. You know, something with small words, big ideas, and a lack of interest in anything fun or intelligent. Anyway, here it is:
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"Mitt Romney: Determined Rapist or Potential Rape Conspirator?"
by Bryan Sellers

Mitt Romney has always harbored a deep loathing for the Christian mainstream, ever since he was ridiculed for his religion during his childhood. As a Christian and a Republican myself, it disturbs me to know that he is considered a viable candidate for the presidency even though he has publicly stated that he "plans to enforce mandatory polygamy throughout the country at gunpoint" during his tenure as president. Whatever his stated intentions, it is his faith alone to which he is loyal -- the Mormon Church aided his ascent in politics, so favors are owed in a way that goes beyond simple tax breaks and the useage of executive priveledges. Mitt Romney's presidency would see the country turned into a facist theocracy of Latter Day Saints hell-bent on replacing the Holy Bible with the Book of Mormon. This claim is not as outrageous as it seems, considering that the state of Utah already has several Mormon faith-based laws in place which act as legislated Mormon doctrine. During the Romney Presidency, any man, woman, or hapless animal found ingesting any kind of alcohol will be sent to a gulag in the middle of Death Valley where they will be forced to manufacture Romneyan political materials until his reign is withdrawn. And let's not even get into his plans to fill the cabinet with protestors against the inclusion of black students from Brigham Young University...

Romney's potential is already waning. Eyebrows have been raised, secret NAMBLA memberships have been questioned. The final question I pose to the reader is this: how does a staunch conservative become Governor of the very liberal state of Massachusets? Obvious funding and support from the Mormon Church, the same which allowed Proposition 8 to pass in the liberal state of California. Though that proposition is supported by conservatives, the means to that end need to be questioned. A political machine has begun to take form in the state of Utah, and it might end with the adoption of many young women across the country as the Brides of Mitt. Why else would Romney want to keep guns out of the hands of the public (although he has recently flip-flopped on the issue merely to superficially appease the Republican Party)? When the shadow Mormon Illuminati comes knocking on your door, you won't have anything in your house to keep the roving Mormon death squads at bay. To quote the man himself about the fate of Christians and other non-Mormon individuals, ""I want them in Guantanamo where they don't get the access to lawyers they get when they're on our soil. I don't want them in our prisons. I want them there." (cited from Reuters May 16, 2007 http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/newsdesk/N16430098.htm)

Be warned, the coup might be coming in 2012. My compound in the Virgnia woods is stocked and ready to be locked down for the next 55 years of Romney's vile dictatorship/child-molestation trust/pervert campaign. How about you?