Sunday, June 6, 2010

Cash Grab of The Week: Daft Punk Pieces of shit or Really REALLY big pieces of shit?


Guess what kids I had a great idea 10 years ago while I was passed out after huffing one too many amyl nitrates behind the Chuck E. Cheese "restaurant" on Pico. I should have known after my dealer called them his "King Fuckin' Hell special." Anyway, my idea...robot costumes. Oh, and shitty techno music trying to be passed off as being made by someone who wasn't a souless jerk with no goddamn talent or abilty to actually play a FUCKING INSTRUMENT. Well, I never got around to it.
It's too bad because that shit band Daft Punk beat me too it. But, even my black tar heart wouldn't have made a fucking GAP COMMERCIAL. I mean fuck I'd rather sell my body for sex or better yet sell organs piece by piece. I heard you can get some pretty high grade crystal meth for a good scrotum. If there were any justice in the world Daft Punk would die in a large explosion due to their enormously expensive(and bloated) live show.

Their latest artistic decision was designing a couple of bottles for coke. Yeah, I know--you'd sign any piece of paper with the word "coke" written on it, wouldn't you? Been there, done that, had the coke spoon bronzed and mounted. But just when you expect to dive nose first into a mountain of Columbia's finest, you find yourself being whored out to a company that was run by Nazi sympathizers during the 40's.

Shit man I'd take care of these "Punks" myself with my riding lawnmower but unfortunately my insurance doesn't cover shit stains!!11 Better yet, I should call my roommate Larry to bring his remington 700 sniper rifle next time he visits his family in Paris, France. But, what if he's busy? He is always willing to loan it....how much for a one way ticket to Paris?!1

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