The LA Scene is Dead, Go Fuckin' Home

Extra, extra! LA Weak-ley chronicles boring old men playing a secret show for their label's dealers! Bob fucking Mould was there, basically just to bum everyone out with his shitty music and desperately grope the twinks in the front row. What could be better than a secret show from 5 guys who have been mailing it in since that video where a midget got a handjob? How about a punch to the dick? Or anything, really?

Yes, the Foo Fighters have a new record coming out. No, you AREN'T supposed to give a fuck. Although they did recently reveal that their limo driver is a 60 year old speed freak.

I don't get how you can be punk rock and still be another dinosaur band that doesn't do shit except tag team the label's secretary and write mediocre songs that are just punk rock enough to guarantee that they'll keep the cash rolling in.

At least we all know that "genius" shitheads like Daft Punk are just a marketing team in plastic robot suits who don't actually make real music. Jesus fuckin' Christ.

Apparently LA is now just the retirement home for rich rock stars who don't do shit or care about anyone else's music. If you're not in the Foo Fighters, Eagles of Death Metal, or one of their 20 related bands, you don't have shit and can't get any decent gigs. For instance, who's playing the Whiskey for the next 3 weeks? Shitty metal bands and a few terrible cover bands -- very little original rock music. Spaceland's been bought out and now puts on gigs two or three times a week. The rest of the week? Fuckin' DJs. The Echo/Echoplex are the last decent venues in LA, and they're constantly in financial trouble.

Every member of the Sex Pistols lives in LA, but do they play in bands with the locals or go out to gigs? What about Trent Reznor? Married putting out shitrock with his wife. Josh Homme? Putting out mediocre shit and selling it to anyone dumb enough not to have seen them when it wasn't being phoned in. Anyone from The Doors? The only guy that gave a fuck is dead, the rest of them just play their old material so they'll be able to pay for their funeral in a few years. Perry Farrell? His last project sucked and was made fun of. Seems like he'd rather be on television with his wife. Guess who's getting a nice BJ tonite? John Fusciante? His solo records are shit and he has nothing else going on because he can't play for shit and never could. Anthony Keidis and the Chili Peppers? Strapped into their heroin feedbags. Dave Navarro? His orgy schedule won't let him. Henry Rollins? Says he "may never do music again." Sort of like how I "may never give a shit about anything Henry Rollins does again." Ozzy Osborne? Can't even take a shit without 13 hits from his kit bag and a permission slip from his bitch wife.

The Los Angeles scene is nothing and the people that live here are so dumb they don't mind these Rich, Useless, "Rock Stars" shitting in their ears and calling it a sundae. What choice do the rest of us have, then? You've got to get in the van.