Spike Anderson's "Future Doorway Dwellers": Spike Anderson to Anonymous: You're Welcome

You know what's great? Cash. Making money is the greatest thing a human being can do on this terrible shithole planet. But being rich is for winners, and some uppity poor fucks just can't seem to warm to the idea of spending the rest of their days off squeegeeing the Sizzler salad bar sneeze guard's puke stains. So the fuckin' kids these days are into culture jamming. Spike Anderson has tried his hand at it before, mostly to rattle the fragile egos of shitheads from the west side:

Bassist Needed For Desperate Fame Seekers (santa monica)
We are looking to write great music that people can put into beer commercials. We see no moral problem with that at all. If you feel the same way that we do about money--i mean, music--then visit http://spikeanderson.blogspot.com/

Shameless self-promotion, I like that. Anyway, the almighty greedheads at Bank of America felt the need to try to strike a blow against some culture jamming group called "Anonymous". Anonymous? I've been there. Shit, I've been giving out Anonymous handjobs in the bathroom of the Circle K behind the ditch I sleep in for 19 years, and all I ever got in return is a free "froster" (which is kind of like a slurpee that one of the employees pissed in).

HBGary, a security company that invents new ways to rape your freedoms daily, was recommended to B of A by the Obama administration to help forge documents and otherwise build a case against Anonymous and WikiLeaks. If you want to find out the truth, you should do everything EXCEPT visit this link to some shitheads bitchy article about why we should hate being informed of corruption in the government.

Building a case against people who host teach-ins at universities and freedom of information rallies seems fair. Who the fuck wants free information?!? Haven't you ever heard of "pay to play", fucko? It works for the Whiskey's unique brand of shithead bookers, it'll work for the California educational system.

Well...okay. What the fuck did that last paragraph mean?! I typed it and I still don't fucking know. Rubbing pure mescaline into my tear ducts hasn't really made anything clearer. Maybe I'll just turn on the TV.

A simple trip to wikipedia provides even the most incoherent junkie with links to Anonymous' activities and whereabouts and the IRC channel and port that Wikileaks uses [IRC Server: sunshinepress.org Port:9999 (SSL ON) in case you're interested]. Anonymous aren't as open about where they operate as someone like Wikileaks: you're going to have to visit a few different sites to find out what's going on.

I'm waiting until WikiLeaks settles on a cash payout from Bank of America, because that's the obvious solution to this problem. Buy everyone out and fill up their websites with ads about penis growth and Rogaine chewable blotter sheets. Hey, it worked for fuckin' Myspace. If anyone involved is reading this, I offer you my services as a heroin manager/"business" injector free of charge...after I take my 3049% cut.

When will the government learn that every time they try to fight this shit its gonna end up like you beating your Dad's ass at Ken Griffey Jr.'s Baseball. Why? Fuck you that's why? Oh, you want a serious answer? Well, much like you and your Dad citizens and the government had some good times together a long time ago, but it soon went south. Now the government can't wait a minute to tamper with our food. I can just hear these fuckheads in the US Government now..."So, Momar Kadafi fired on his own people how do we one-up that?? Waterboarding? Too obvious. Fly a UFO over O'Hare Airport and scare the shit out of them?

Sorry we can only do that once.

I know we'll kill them and their children by poisoning their food." Because, guess what? We don't know the long term effects of modifying food and apparently that's not as scary or newsworthy as a UFO. But, hey its only the end of life as we know it, right?

One final parting money shot, an Anonymous slogan that will make corrupt assholes everywhere piss themselves in fear (and hungry, smack-filled promoters piss themselves for whatever reason I can think of off the top of my head)