Chasing Jimmy Paycheck

Let's face it, this country is full of hypocrites. When I show up at Costco on a Monday night and start passing out my own "samples", I always end up in the basement of some jail in Hawthorne. But when some fuck in Glendale starts shuffling his goods outside of The Smell on a Thursday night, he gets a full page spread in the Huffington Post.

Notice something about the kid smoking horse in the article?

Turns out he's a fuckin' hipster in yet another shitty obscure band t-shirt. Best free marketing the "League Champs" ever got. If you're reading this, League Champs, hire me as your manager and you'll have all these goddamned hipsters smoking skag like it was their boyfriend's pole.

I know how it is--it takes crazy things these days to get people to come to your gigs. You gotta get creative. Some people pass out heroin, others just take a shit in your car:

"When driving down Florence and Normandie, be wary of a man in a green suit and purple bow tie, sitting on what looks like an old leather trumpet case. He usually sits at the SE corner. When you pull up with your windows down he will come up to your car, pull his pants down, put his butt in your car through your side window, and take a dump in your car. I take the same street to work every day for the last seven years. I've seen this guy, who i call "El Dumpo Fiasco", do it about four times a year. I once saw him take a dump in this lady's escalade. He had to step on the side steps of the SUV. It was a monster dump. I could see it from behind the escalade, it came out looking like a burned sausage. The lady got so pissed she jumped out of her escalade and attacked the guy. The guy ran off yelling something like "Stay up Cain!!!". It was crazy. Weird thing is, he always targets white cars. Just make sure to put your windows up if you see the guy in a green suit and purple bow tie."