The Internet is Now Safe (aka no more eBay speedball sales for you)

Hey there, shitbag. Stop the Kanye West/Jay-Z suckfest for a second and listen to the bitter truth of a junkie: you're not safe on the internet.

If you're reading this right now, you're fucked. Nigerian hooligans own your identity, genitals, and your eternal soul. Your iTunes account is pilfered, your sister has been sold into slavery, etc.

wait, WAIT!! Hold that shit for one second! There's a new, useless sheriff and he's gonna clean up this town. I'm talking about the WebSheriff. He's here to prevent you from downloading the latest M.I.A. album, which is the same as saving you from wasting your goddamned time listening to a screaming hooker with a microphone. You're welcome.

"Who the fuck is the WebSheriff?" you shout over the din of your reggaeton/Boyzone mix CD. This fuckin' guy:


You guessed it right, fucking Milton from Office Space is gonna save the internet from having too much fun.