Cash Grab of the Week: Tony McCarroll's Complete Lack of a Brain (or "Oasis....of my asshole")

How dumb do you have to be to believe that Europe is an island? Pretty fucking dumb. I'm a junkie, a crackhead, and I failed out of preschool for posession, but even I know that Europe ain't a fuckin' island. Only that fuckhead Tony McCarroll is that dumb, because that was HIS quote -- "Europe is an island."

He was kicked out of Oasis for not being able to drum his way out of a half-empty cokebag. And you know there were plenty of 'em around during the early years of 1990's Oasis. So he's kicked out. What's his first move? Getting some lessons? Giving up his pipe dream of being able to count to four? Barrell of a gun into his mouth?

Fuck no! He just sues them. Sues them and settles out of court for about 350,000 pounds and removal of his royalties on the first record....which would have earned him WAY more money than that. So basically he sued them so he could lose money. It was a sweet, sweet reverse cash grab. Then he tries to come back and form another band. And, get this, he tries to cop an attitude about the whole thing. This from the guy who couldn't play the easiest drum beats on the face of the planet. "We're hoping to record," said McCarroll, "I've got quite a few contacts as you probably know." Somewhere, a protools engineer is getting ready to drag a few million drum parts into time.

What he had attempted was definitely a Shiloe level cash grab. Speaking of which, Ken Ramos should be a doorstop, or at least a pillow for another hobo. Or maybe if he acts up and they're feeling like it, that homeless guy will make him his toilet.

Anyway, about Tony McCarroll...I don't need to say anything more than quote the headline of a tabloid that said, "Is this the most stupid man in showbiz?" Yes. Yes he is.