Eat GHB for Breakfast

Alright, cut the shit -- Turn off the Yo La Tengo! Hide your gay porn collection! Take off the women's underwear and pretend for one second that you're a man with actual balls and not a hipster kid who writes fucking love songs about his organic celery juice enema supply (Or if you're a woman, just try not to break your computer monitor with all dry humping of the screen you're about to do when you read my brilliant and abusive coke-fuelled insights).

Kids, drugs are good for you. I know this is true because I read it on a blog somewhere. Now, GHB is REALLY fucking good for you. Wait, no! Stop your internal monologue. I can hear it now, "Spike, that can't be true because the bible and my 5th grade teacher told me so, even though that guy was fired because later they found out he had a $300 a day coke habit. Why would you say that they are good for you!?" The same reason that I throw sheets of LSD on the unsuspecting audiences at the gigs I sneak into--because I can.

Here's what the internet has told me about GHB so far-- It does not cause you to trip and rip the teeth out of your girlfriend. Good shit to know, man. I need to know more, except I don't want to talk to a scientist. Those motherfuckers are always lying:


A quick search for "shitty website that wastes your goddamned time" pulls up an article by some asshole who brings up a good point, "BUT WHAT ABOUT THE THINGS PEOPLE ARE CLAIMING, THAT GHB IS GOOD FOR YOU, AND THAT IT IS NOT ADDICTIVE????" Yeah, what about ALL THOSE PEOPLE SAYING THAT????? There must be a lot of them because this guy wrote it IN ALL CAPS.

Hey, my doctor/dealer, Tommy Chong, says all drugs are good for you. In fact, if you did nothing but ate reds, smoked crack, and drank everclear all day you would live forever. Or at least you would stop whining about things that don't affect you in any way to strangers on some stupid forum that no one reads.

Apparently this guy's man on the streets tells him that the kids have a new name for a GHB high:

there are street words for this also when ever the person passes out and drools on themselves and has poor muscle control it is said that person is in the "G hold." After the person goes into a comma type thing and begins to throw up and have poor breathing then they are in the G hole

Back in the Spikester's day, a "G Hold" was something else entirely, and you could spend most of your meager coke budget trying to find a prositute limber enough to do one. But I stopped admitting to doing that years ago, man. Just like butt hash (that's what the kids are calling it). Yeah, the best source for what "the kids" are calling things is an old person who invents drug "epidemics" just to scare other old people into putting their kids into expensive private schools...where they finally get access to the REALLY good shit. Just ask this fuckster: