Business Plan Stage 2 - Networking on the Internet

The world of music promotion is changing. No longer will sloppy handjobs in the bathroom of TGI Fridays get you all the contacts and professional medication that you require. Now it's all about the internet, which is great if you own a fucking computer. Fuck, even little Frodo down the street has parlayed his own label, chock full of mp3 'net releases into a new Member's Only jacket and a week's worth of STD free Redondo Beach shower parties! But if you've been banned from the library's internet for emailing death threats to Pitchfork.com and layin' some man plaster inside every single Henry Miller novel the library has, you've got to find your own way. Mine is stealing the internet, stealing a laptop, stealing your secret stash of biscuit powder, and then tagging your mom on my way out.

I've been targeting lonely, desperate, white kids who have no taste. Where's the best place to find these potential Members of Shiloe Coachella Fanbois? An internet dating website. I asked some scene kids who were sitting around outside a No Age concert which site to go to, so they called me a douchebag and threw their empty Pabst tallboys at me. After strangling one of them with my sister's coat hanger, he told me to go to some site called OKCupid.com HERE

So far there haven't been many contacts made, so I've taken to pissing all over everyone's lives on the forums to shake things up. Dig:

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*Posted under Life Advice*

Topic: Spike's Life Advice?

Step 1 - join a band.
Step 2 - adopt a calculated scenester image
Step 3 - hire me as your manager
Step 4 - sell your PA
Step 5 - all you can eat meth crystals


Reply - ovwalateen: why???

Reply - Spike_Anderson: Fuck you, that's why!


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Topic: Meet for a drink not dinner

McKenzieChapman: Meeting for a drink, whether coffee or cocktails, can be a better idea than a dinner date. Sometimes a meal can be too long and awkward where as meeting for a drink or two can be short and possibly extended.

Reply - Spike_Anderson: Fuck that noise, meet for rails of PCP in Culver City after the Darby Crash memorial.

Reply - Dveck: Your hair is noise buddy. get off this website you ass!

Reply - Spike_Anderson: Alright, it seems i've pissed off a Tallahassee redneck. So I'll cut you a deal: I'll leave the website forever if you a) get me a garbage bag full Mendo-county quality kush and b) i'm still not leaving this website you fuck. Go tattoo "Skynard rulez" on your neck or do whatever else greasy Florida funboys do.

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ayumi22:care to chat..?

Spike_Anderson:only if you've got good toot

ayumi22:toot..?

Spike_Anderson:toot, blow...anything white that you can buy for $50 from Sergei at the docks on a Friday night.

Spike_Anderson:so what do you say? I can go down there and knock the dick out of his mouth and have an 8ball in 10, 20 minutes.

ayumi22:by the way im a model

Spike_Anderson:perfect, then you should know where to get all the best charlie, eh?

Spike_Anderson:c'mon, you're on the Hollywood diet plan right?

ayumi22:hhmmmm what are you talking about huni

Spike_Anderson:you use the Jimmy Chamberlain workout system

Spike_Anderson:the Jimi Hendrix meal plan

ayumi22:hhmmm by the way im setting up my cam here in my room right now..

ayumi22:im going to have a free strip show

ayumi22:so wanna watch ,me..?

Spike_Anderson:Strip show? Listen. who's your manager? Jesus Ayala? I know that fuck. Better yet, tell Ayala you work for me now, now get your gold brickin' ass down to the whiskey and work our scam!

Spike_Anderson:Now that Spike is handling your clientelle and I'll only take 30% off the top

Spike_Anderson:but that doesnt include the skag fee, coke napkins, or donkey expenses

ayumi22:well you are too wierd

Spike_Anderson:you're missing out baby. I just got AIDS Blanket top billing in the Mountain High rock festival's parking lot

ayumi22:and so what..?

ayumi22:wanna watch me or not

Spike_Anderson:Alright, so you're playing hard ball. The Spikester'll be your manager for 20% but I still want all the Valley burnouts that you can round up working in my backyard 24/7 on getting the formula right for the atomic cocaine. I'm telling you, it IS real!

aymui22 is not longer available. You message will be delivered to their inbox when they return online.

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mischybaby13:hi

Spike_Anderson:goddamn, i'm faded.

Spike_Anderson:I mean hi

mischybaby13:why?>

mischybaby13:where u from?

mischybaby13:and how are u?

Spike_Anderson:What? Huh? Who have you been talking to?

mischybaby13:hai there!1

Spike_Anderson:Shit, this is good space coke. I'm from a lot of places.

Spike_Anderson:a lot of different urine soaked couches

Spike_Anderson:a lot of different basements of grocery stores in Pico.

Spike_Anderson:sometimes the Y if they're not full up. And if that fuck Davo who always tries to steal my coke spoon isn't there. Of course, this is all dependent on if Sergei reaches his snowball quota for the day. BANK!

mischybaby13:ohh i see heh...

Spike_Anderson:Yeah, I beat my meals out of my clients. Namely, fuckwad bands from the valley.

mischybaby13:cool

Spike_Anderson:Spike Anderson, nice to meet ya. Now get fucked and give me my 20% cut. NOW.

mischybaby13:how old are u?

Spike_Anderson:as old as that Creedence LP I snorted my first line off of when I snuck out of the crib.

Spike_Anderson:as old as the first guy who ever told a band "pay to play" and "what the fuck do you mean a dressing room? Change outside fuckface!"

Spike_Anderson:as old as the fist shitty band who ever tried to sneak their way into a venue so they could play a show to an empty house.

mischcybaby13 is not longer available. You message will be delivered to their inbox when they return online.