The Church of Fuckwadology: Rabid Notes from the Heathen Underground

"Sometimes the need to mess with their heads outweighs the millstone of public humiliation."
- Fox Mulder

Layette "Ronnie" Hubbard, a fine piece of humanity if there ever was one, is at the top of the shit list today.

Why?! Fuck you, that's why!! What is this, public school for the hopelessly retarded? "Spike tell us why we're all fucking useless and will be cleaning the floors of the Denny's down the street for the next 48 years after the trust fund runs dry ." If you don't know enough to stay away from Scientology and anyone involved with it, then you deserve to get sodomized by a rabid Tom Cruise. No more distractions. I need to finish this so I can get back to shooting smack directly into the base of my skull.

So I was sleeping in a washed out cardboard box next to another cardboard box when some toolbag with an e-reader came up and asked if I wanted a free stress test. Ten months later and I was Operating Thetan level 3 and meeting all kinds of glamorous, washed-up, secretly gay movie stars. I had thetans on my brain: I did thetan auditing, thetan reharmonization, I was snorting assbumps of high-grade meth off a Venezuelan woman named Thetan...ah, but nothing good lasts when you're finely twisted on religion and 16 other untraceable substances.

Anyway, I'm still out there looking to get my kicks from the next water-brained cult. Religion is a drug and I've already poured it onto a plastic bag and tied it over my head. Like most other drugs, I plan to mainline religion on a semi-professional basis and collapse all of my arteries, veins, and vas deferens to make the nut. Okay, that last metaphor was shit, but you're still lucky to be hearing my scripture without the use of heavy chemical encouragement.

I bring to your attention the Church of Euthanasia. It's a church which advocates mandatory suicide and bandies about slogans like "Eat a Queer Fetus for Jesus". They'd get a stomping from the suckbags from the 700 Club if they didn't scare the hell out of everyone so much. But why? Was it because of this--Following the September 11, 2001 attacks, the CoE posted to its website a four-minute music video titled I Like to Watch, combining hardcore pornographic video with footage of the World Trade Center collapse. (from Wikipedia)

So where do I sign to become an ordained minister?