Viewer Mail

I get a lot of viewer mail as you can imagine(almost as much as I get VD in my ear canal). Mostly, its bullshit like "Spike how can I learn not to play my instrument and be a totally useless fuckwad." I normally would say to drink some paint thinner(that shit will mellow you right out) or better yet stick your dick in a wall socket so you might fucking wake up and stop being a "Ken Ramos." That guy is a shit stain waiting to happen.
Anyway, I have found the way. Before I show you this clip I must warn you that these assholes couldn't play anything told to them, so why the fuck are they putting their "jams" on You Tube?! I swear to god if I don't keep finding these useless hipsters desperately spinning their wheels I'm going to run out of material. Thankfully, there are enough shitheads with massive egos and no talent flooding los angeles. You're Welcome:

How Do We Evolve as a Society? By Mainlining Heroin into Your Ass

Here is Why Your Band is a Horrible, Miserable Failure

Why is your band doomed to play Canter's Deli's men's room YET AGAIN (and not get paid)? Because none of your fucking gigs sound like this!

Metallic KO by the Stooges.

If you're curious why it's the best live record, fast forward to the part where Iggy Pop responds to an audience that hates him by saying "We don't hate you. We don't even care!" This after already being pelted with anything that wasn't nailed down for 30 minutes or so already. There's nothing quite like a live album with audible "beer bottle hitting stage" sounds.

Or....

Queens of the Stone Age at the Bizarre Festival in a tiny German town called Weeze, Germany (Aug 18, 2001 - pre-Grohl)

"We'd like to end tonight by giving you something for your head. Something we can all fucking relate to in any language...and that's drugs."

Or....

The Doors in Miami, where Jim Morrison asks someone in the audience to come on stage and "love him", calls them "a bunch of slaves", tries to incite a riot, fails to incite a riot, and then settles for pretending to show the audience his penis.


Or....

The Oasis gig where meth'd up Liam runs around stage looking for a fix and hits Noel with a tambourine.


So in short, brutalize your fans and other band members, do lines of crystal meth off the monitors behind the stage, and make sure that your audience knows that they're all a buncha fuckin' idiots.

Cash Grab of the Week: Passion Pit the new Rolling Stones

I don't know how I came upon it but I did. A Bio for a band so ridiculous and insane that you'd think they were fucking making it up...and they are
It got me mad, well about as mad as I CAN get after huffing half my supply of paint thinner. Alright, I'm still pretty fucking mad.

Well, if you would've read their bio you would be mad too. I mean these guys haven't even accomplished anything outside of looking "pro," handing out their cds to be future redneck shotgun targets, and filling the "hexham heads slot" at big festivals. If playing at 2pm makes you a success then Im not a garbage picker, Im a new food designer. Playing to the hot dog vendor outside the venue doesn't count either. For the record that guy fucking loves your music...its too bad he doesn't speak english and can't figure out what the fuck you're saying.

Guess how the band started??? The douchebag in charge started singing shitty love songs to his girlfriend!! What the fuck!!11 So you can't just be a hipster you have to be a pussy too?? As much as I want to hear "I'm sorry I gave you chlymydia in your eyes when I was skull fucking you" I'd rather spend my money on a high ball of "x" with finger prints on it.
Fuck it here's half of their shitty bio(you don't want to read the whole thing, you're gonna have to trust the spikster on this one):

===================================================================
Michael Angelakos hears music in his head and knows exactly how he wants it to sound. The young composer/performer has already created two studio masterpieces -- Manners and Chunk of Change -- and -- with his fellow musicians in Passion Pit -- is taking his perfectionist pop vision to a whole new level in concert.

Soulful, memorable, danceable, earnest and unabashedly pop, the music Michael Angelakos delivers on Passion Pit's debut album, Manners, reveals a complex and challenging 21st century sound and sensibility, baroque and intricate in its construction with exquisitely soaring hooks and melodies coupled with enigmatic lyrics flowing straight from the id.

Launched a mere three years ago as a humble one man multi-track laptop project in Angelakos' college dorm room, Passion Pit has rapidly evolved under fire into an in-demand concert attraction, with sold out tours and a growing international reputation based on the power and immediacy of the music.

Passion Pit is a two-fold entity sharing a single essence: there's in-the-studio Passion Pit, essentially comprised of Michael writing, designing, and constructing intricate cathedrals of sound, and Nathan Donmoyer handling live percussion and programming. Ian Hultquist is also featured on Manners performing guitar on songs such as "Make Light" and "Moth's Wings." And then there is the in-concert Passion Pit, a loose yet tightly calibrated ensemble who turn Angelakos' musical studio blueprints into a cathartic live experience.

Angelakos was 20 years old when Passion Pit took its first hold on his psyche in the form of a multi-song "Valentine" to his then-girlfriend, recorded in his bedroom on readily available ad hoc technology including the built-in microphone on his laptop. After signing with indie label Frenchkiss, he opted to add more recordings that had been made shortly after the he self-released the collection of songs -- including the signature track "Sleepyhead."
====================================================================


No sane human being should ever write this kind of shit about themselves in any profession in any field anywhere. You're not curing cancer man, you're making the worst shit rock on the fucking planet. Only one question remains did they write their own bio or did one of their moms write it for them??

I don't know who this Nardwaur is, but she can't interview for shit!

No Peace Until the Stars Run Cold

Dreams. We all have them. Some dreams, like yours, are fucking worthless. Mine are like diamonds. Or, you know, a brick of uncut skag or something.

One dream that I never had was to become a political advisor. Still, I can't help but try sometimes when I meet a candidate like Mitt Romney or Wink Hartman (R-KS). Wink...now there's a bold human being. Bolder than bold. Bolder than the fact that I'm using the word "bold" even though I have no idea what it means in this context. Motherfucking Shit Ass BOLD.

Anyway, Wink Hartman is a worthless bastard because he refuses to accept my campaign slogan suggestions. Here's a taste of the pure fucking gold that has been pouring out of the Facebook account that Wink has still been unable to block:

- Wink Hartman--finally a congressman who can describe the taste of human brains in real detail!

-Wink Hartman: Tough man, gentle raping.

- Wink helps dealers in the community by buying 20 lbs of pure smack every day, all to support the local street economy. No other candidate cares about stemming the currently ballooning heroin exchange rate (and speaking of heroin and balloons, Wink makes a great drug mule). Finally a candidate that addresses the issues YOU care about!

- Wink Hartman: Recently cleared of ALL 28 counts of human slavery and trafficking.

- Kennel the elderly! Join Wink Hartman!

- Vote for Wink Hartman--Because we're all doomed anyway. Might as well hassle the Mexicans a bit before we go, eh?

- Stay on the Anti-Christ's good side: Vote Wink Hartman for Congress in 2010.