And I quote, “It's easy to play any musical instrument: all you have to do is touch the right key at the right time and the instrument will play itself.”
He might have also said (off the record), "Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why is it so hard for you to play this shit?! GOD! All you gotta do is tap that thing on the beat and that's it. Is that is too hard for you, fucknuts??"
What a dick.
I can't wait to read that book he wrote about architecture, "Building a Skyscraper is Easy: All You Have to Do is Put Some Steel On Top of Some Wood And Nail 'Em Together, Toolbag. Seriously, Why is That So Hard For You?! Jesus!"
hey, Larry here I'm spike's roommate and spike asked me to make this post while he is away on vacation, actually he's just nodding off behind a Denny's in Fremont. But, regarding Dick fuckin' Cheney...I fucking knew it. I always knew the guy was a piece of shit. Looks like we need to get an EMP bomb now. No professional would settle for less.
Hey some journo fuck tried to interview me for some shitty rag and I ended up making page 6! Check it out:
=================================================== Class Conflict in West LA Foments in Westwood
Local Swine Delay the Inevitable Daily Bum Riots...Pols, Figureheads, Wealthy Nihilists Giddy...Luxury Apartments Surrounded by a Human Moat of Shit and Piss in Westwood...No Rules, No Laws, Get Your Kicks While You Can...Crack, Violence, and Human Life are all Cheap on the Mean Streets of LA's Wealthiest District...The Only Part of Town Where You Can See a Hollywood Premier Being Busted Up By An Army of Hobos...
by Willis Todhunter Ballard
Westwood is a town where the chic and vicious live next to one another with a fragmented dividing line keeping the two from exploding in daily, all-out violence. The commercial district there is a small area consisting of a 3x3 square of city blocks, and needless to say there is not much space for the thousands of human beings who hit the streets every day. The cramped district allows no avoiding the many street people who either live there or are bused in from downtown every day. They ask for nothing: they will not accept money, food, or kind words. Their very existence seems to act like a slap across the face to the local police, who are driven into an orgy of arrests and brutality every morning (when there aren't any bystanders to witness it). For now those in power have corralled the street people into the western blocks, but they slip further and further east every day. I asked around and found their leader--a pale, twitchy man named "Spike"--who told me he was "the king of the streets, man." Based on observations, Spike appears to be about 55 years old and his daily drug intake is equivalent to the entire city of La Brea. In between nodding off and talking to an imaginary person he referred to as "Tommy C", he said that he is a concert promoter who attends 30 concerts a week, "mostly just to steal a wheeze off the booze spigots, man." The man is clearly delusional. He offered to get me an all-access pass to the needle party tonight, but when I asked him where it was all he said was, "Huh?"
They don't make people like Spike anymore...but just to be safe, he ought to be castrated. Castrated? Jesus, is nothing sacred?! No, not in these times. The cops don't ask questions, they just slap the handcuffs on and ask the details later after their baton hands have been warmed up from your savage beating. When I left Spike, he was about to be hauled away, all the while screaming that the police were "All a bunch of fucking animals!" I suspect they're taking him off to the glue factory to get some use out of him after all...
The broken and angry are the new rulers of Westwood, and if they can organize there will be outright riots. There's not enough opposition to stem the tide, and the growing number of homeless due to the sinking economy will provide more than enough soldiers to fight the war for the streets. I say let it come, let them bring down all the organic grocery stores and luxury apartments that try to glaze over the sourness of these times. Of course, if you actually do want to do something about it there are easy ways to help. Better get on their good side now, because that guy on the street corner talking to himself is going to be the King of Westwood in another month or two.
Willis Todhunter Ballard is a freelance journalist in Los Angeles who has also written numerous texts about home-made defense devices and weaponry, most notably his 1971 screed "How to defend yourself, your family, and your home;: A complete guide to self-protection". His whereabouts are currently unknown.
Everybody in? Is everybody in? The ceremony bullshit is about to begin.
Vile pissbags Prince and T-Pain have spoken: Music and the internet are over. Now we're going to have to figure out what the fuck to do with ourselves. Drink Brandy/transmission fluid cocktails from a stolen colostomy bag? Feed Tommy Lasorda to the street people of Westwood? Actually get a fucking JOB and work for a living?!?! Jesus christ, can you actually imagine? The horror, the horror. Spike Anderson, toiling under the goddamned sun, picking those goddamned bananas 26 hours a day. No longer bilking the gullible and gutless out of their trust funds...
NO! Wake the fuck up! What kind of rat bastard psychotic would even write something like that?!?
Yeah, the rest of us still use the internet and listen to music (although not all of us are listening to the soundtrack to Glitter like you probably are, jagoff). Seriously, if the right combination of drugs can make a human being actually say something as shit-brained and ridiculous as "the internet is over," can't we figure out the right level of GHB to pump into our leaders to make them say that the War in Iraq is over? Or maybe that the war in Iraq is now going to be fought by only the members of congress and their families. Also, Rush Limbaugh is going to be used as a condom for the rest of his life.
As for music, well, it probably should be over by now. At least it should be for bands who just want to impress hookers and get rich by selling pop-punk bullshit to advertising executives. Well I say go home kids, the shit rock bailout is over. Spike Anderson's Teabagging Party has come to drape its sweaty sac of truth onto your worthless careers. Get fucked, get out, leave my 230% cut in my mailbox behind the Tastee Freeze.
Does that sound too vicious? Fuck off! But I have more to say, so now you should LISTEN, scum.
Is Google in bed with the CIA? No. Fucking...no. Not more than any other corporation or company, at least. Google saves, at most, the terms you search for on its website. That's not necessarily as important as you might think. Searching for something is different than visiting a web page. You can search for "banana bread recipes" and end up following the search results to something completely different (that's how people get away with looking at porn sites at work). On the other hand, ISPs keep all of the REALLY damning information on you (i.e. your name, age, location, at least credit card number, etc.). So if the CIA is in league with anyone, it's the ISPs (most of whom are owned by giant multi-national corporations). So the next time you see someone like M.I.A. say something in the press like "Google and Facebook were developed by the CIA, and when you're on there, you have to know that." then you know they don't actually have any fucking clue what they're talking about. If you don't understand something, you can't make a statement IN THE FUCKING PUBLIC PRESS about it.
MIA's reply:
if the corporations own the government(or the other way around) then doesn't that mean the cia or "government" might have access to your private information....for a price??
That said, maybe I'm wrong and maybe its time we take it to the streets...or I could just continue drinking kentucky moonshine and shooting pigeons.
Oh yeah, and Noam Chomsky. You know, the guy who actually checks his facts:
Despite what the guy selling sunglasses and windshield repair in Menifee says Spike loves the Tea Party. But, he also loves half priced cool ranch dorittos. The Tea Party's basic platform is: No Taxes, No Blacks, Tips, Tits, No Mexicans, No Government, and an increase in Social Security...Casino Morongo won't accept my collectible gold coins or my survivalist equipment anymore, and fuck..they now charge for parking. So, I'm happy to say the Tea Party will soon have Abe Lincoln's support. If there's one guy who hates black people and mexicans as much as I do its gotta be Abe Lincoln. Hey, scumfucks like us have to stick together.
Dear Mr. Lincoln
We Coloreds have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us Colored People and we demand that it stop!
In fact we held a big meeting and took a vote in Kansas City this week. We voted to condemn a political revival of that old abolitionist spirit called the ‘tea party movement’.
The tea party position to “end the bailouts” for example is just silly. Bailouts are just big money welfare and isn’t that what we want all Coloreds to strive for? What kind of racist would want to end big money welfare? What they need to do is start handing the bail outs directly to us coloreds! Of course, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is the only responsible party that should be granted the right to disperse the funds.
And the ridiculous idea of “reduce[ing] the size and intrusiveness of government.” What kind of massa would ever not want to control my life? As Coloreds we must have somebody care for us otherwise we would be on our own, have to think for ourselves and make decisions!
The racist tea parties also demand that the government “stop the out of control spending.” Again, they directly target coloreds. That means we Coloreds would have to compete for jobs like everybody else and that is just not right.
Perhaps the most racist point of all in the tea parties is their demand that government “stop raising our taxes.” That is outrageous! How will we coloreds ever get a wide screen TV in every room if non-coloreds get to keep what they earn? Totally racist! The tea party expects coloreds to be productive members of society?
Mr. Lincoln, you were the greatest racist ever. We had a great gig. Three squares, room and board, all our decisions made by the massa in the house. Please repeal the 13th and 14th Amendments and let us get back to where we belong.
Sincerely
Precious Ben Jealous, Tom’s Nephew NAACP Head Colored Person
Alright, cut the shit -- Turn off the Yo La Tengo! Hide your gay porn collection! Take off the women's underwear and pretend for one second that you're a man with actual balls and not a hipster kid who writes fucking love songs about his organic celery juice enema supply (Or if you're a woman, just try not to break your computer monitor with all dry humping of the screen you're about to do when you read my brilliant and abusive coke-fuelled insights).
Kids, drugs are good for you. I know this is true because I read it on a blog somewhere. Now, GHB is REALLY fucking good for you. Wait, no! Stop your internal monologue. I can hear it now, "Spike, that can't be true because the bible and my 5th grade teacher told me so, even though that guy was fired because later they found out he had a $300 a day coke habit. Why would you say that they are good for you!?" The same reason that I throw sheets of LSD on the unsuspecting audiences at the gigs I sneak into--because I can.
A quick search for "shitty website that wastes your goddamned time" pulls up an article by some asshole who brings up a good point, "BUT WHAT ABOUT THE THINGS PEOPLE ARE CLAIMING, THAT GHB IS GOOD FOR YOU, AND THAT IT IS NOT ADDICTIVE????" Yeah, what about ALL THOSE PEOPLE SAYING THAT????? There must be a lot of them because this guy wrote it IN ALL CAPS.
Hey, my doctor/dealer, Tommy Chong, says all drugs are good for you. In fact, if you did nothing but ate reds, smoked crack, and drank everclear all day you would live forever. Or at least you would stop whining about things that don't affect you in any way to strangers on some stupid forum that no one reads.
Apparently this guy's man on the streets tells him that the kids have a new name for a GHB high:
there are street words for this also when ever the person passes out and drools on themselves and has poor muscle control it is said that person is in the "G hold." After the person goes into a comma type thing and begins to throw up and have poor breathing then they are in the G hole
Back in the Spikester's day, a "G Hold" was something else entirely, and you could spend most of your meager coke budget trying to find a prositute limber enough to do one. But I stopped admitting to doing that years ago, man. Just like butt hash (that's what the kids are calling it). Yeah, the best source for what "the kids" are calling things is an old person who invents drug "epidemics" just to scare other old people into putting their kids into expensive private schools...where they finally get access to the REALLY good shit. Just ask this fuckster:
visit Totally Fuzzy
