Article Titles Are for Bitches

On March 22, Tom Waits was accepted into the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame. Also, two Weeks ago, my shit was "accepted" into a toilet, where it will probably go on to be the next owner of Spaceland. I'm not comparing Tom Waits to shit, just the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame to a place where people unclench the bowels of the collective music industry and millionaires pat one another on the back. Hey, maybe they've got a space for him there next to ABBA and Dick Clark's massive coke spoon.

"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."
- Hunter S. Thompson

Spike vs. Witchita, KS

I've sold out to some online magazine. What's that you say--where's my cut? Well, what's 123% of zero dollars? Fuck.

Junko's Clinic: Purveyor of Spike Anderson's Heroin-Related Accupuncture Since 1976

Meth, Records, and Links to Confused Meth Heads Boasting About The Quality of Their Meth Source

Yet another pasty white man plans to drive around Tennessee in a yellow rape van, only this time it's Jack White. But here's the twist: he says there's records inside instead of delicious candy. Does that really help you rape more kids, Jack?


Did you know that 97% of all high school aged kids have never acquired a crippling meth addiction? And why not? Jesus, don't the kids have access to google meth search in schools these days?! I blame the economy and budget cuts for cheating our kids out their spastic, stuttering birthright. Listen to your man on the inside, Spike--try punching in "jesse hughes biker meth", you fuckin' kids! Pick any one of the 193 links that comes up and you're good.

Show Your Love For The Band By Hitting Them WIth Shit

The Jesus Lizard are a great group of guys. All fairly motionless on stage and around 6' tall. You could throw whatever's laying around at them all day and never miss. Maybe that's why I hit the singer back in '94 with my last piss bottle like I was Dock Ellis on a LSD-inspired no hitter.