Teabaggers: No Nuts, Not My Problem.

I know what you're askin. What the hell drugs are these Teabaggers ass slammin? Try this experiment. Take grandpa's tumbler and fill it with of Ammonium Nitrate. Now add a AA battery and put it in the microwave and press cook. Now while you're watching your house go up in flames slam an Ether/409/PCP cocktail up your urethra. Feel the burn cause you got the Rand Paul fever.

Which brings me to my point, its time for me to update the list of things teabaggers hate. So far, after a quick glance at the LA XXpress, we've established that the Tea Party hates black people, mexicans, vegetables, craft brew, actual currency, facts, admitting that their teenage daughter is pregnant-barefoot-married to a mexican and or black man, filtering their chain e-mails for racist and furpie content, reality, any gun that isn't fully automatic, school, college, advanced degrees that you earn in college, fluoride, and now women.

Shit, I haven't seen that many middle aged white men attack a woman with a pixie cut since the great Mendocino Snuff Film Festival of '79. I mean fuck, The Earthquake never even got that much velocity on his ass hammer.



And now straight from a black balloon, I'm hearing the man responsible for the "teeth on the curb" thuggery wants an apology from the victim. That takes balls- And in a perfect world, those balls should be whacked off like el gordo swingin' away at his birthday pinata!

Nazi's, Fucking Up The Gene Pool!

A Microscopic view of Eye Herpes cross contaminated with Butt Chlamydia and 3 Nazis.

Looking Good Sweethearts!!1

Punk Rock....As a society, we are doomed.

CVS...because who else will sell you drain-o, batteries, and ephedrine at the same time?

AP News Break: CVS to pay $75M fine for meth

By Greg Risling, Associated Press Writer

Posted: 10/14/2010 10:35:03 AM PDT

Updated: 10/14/2010 10:37:22 AM PDT

CVS Pharmacy Inc. has agreed to pay $75 million in fines for allowing repeated purchases of a key methamphetamine ingredient that led to a spike in Southern California drug trafficking, federal prosecutors said Thursday.

It was the largest civil penalty under the Controlled Substances Act.

CVS, the nation's largest operator of retail pharmacies, will also forfeit about $2.6 million in profits from pseudoephedrine, prosecutors said.

Authorities said CVS didn't adequately monitor sales of pseudoephedrine, which is found in cold medicine and used to make meth.

They also said the company violated federal drug regulations in at least five states.

CVS Chairman and CEO Thomas Ryan says the company unacceptably breached its policies and has worked to fix the problem.

Newsflash: Self-Proclaimed "Poser" Called Out on Being Human Cock Vacuum!

Anyone who claims that their real name is "Poser" has got some kind of mental problem, and not the good "Iggy Pop" kind of mental problem that makes you writhe around stage and punch Michigan bikers while you're wearing a spandex bodysuit. So ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Rivers Cuomo's number one fan--some fuckin' throwback who wants his shit band to sound like some sort of goddawful 50's record playing in the Ruby's Diner where your cousin found a cock-ring in his coleslaw. Traumatizing.

I met this man in a parking lot in Rosemead, and I gotta say I was impressed. A cold, pale, shivering guido Michael Jackson apparently unaware that it was 90 degrees out in the Starbucks parking lot, he offered me my first big break (and none of the oxycontin he'd probably been snorting all day in his car): "We've got a major label showcase we can play in my grandpa's tool shed." Well, the Spikester is full of regrets. Missed rails, Shiloe gigs where I could have hit Ken Ramos in the face with a boot and/or bottle of Steel Reserve...but never a regret about pissing all over the cock jockeys of the world who are just trying to dangle something in front of people to get them to play their shit music. Here is my final word, gloriously plastered all over this shithead's lies on music connection:

"this guy is so full of shit it's not funny. Major label showcase? I played with him about a year ago and apparently he's still looking for someone for this supposed showcase he's got lined up. What I want to know is, what would he do if he even played in front of people from a record label? His songs sound fucking godawful!"

Poser had this to say in response, "I just want what any weezer fan wants...to be 40 and still doing embarrassing shit like this. Yet, even after being a stupid useless dipshit for the last 15 years, releasing some of the worst music ever made, there are STILL enough brain dead fuckwads clamoring to buy my musical diaherria. Now, that's progress!!"

I will leave you with the knowledge that Weezer fans are sending some genius death threats simply for trying to stop this and this from ever fucking happening again!! If they let Weezer "craft" another album my favorite "mexican food" stand on pico won't be able to make enough heroin tacos to keep me from losing my shit completely. If Weezer doesn't ever make another album then...you're welcome.

You mess with the Spike, You get the AIDZ needle!

Listen up fuckos, I'm only going to say this once. If you hire me to book your gigs and you fail to either give me my goddamn fucking 250% or let me practice my vein marksmanship on your arm, I will fuck you. I know, I know, your band is too good to play the Roxy Parking lot because Pedro and his gang of valet's won't buy your merch or turn down their ranchera accordion mess on the shortwave. Deal with it, I'm inside the Roxy mainlining whatever I can shake out of your mom's purse and chugging happy hour courtesy of your dad's gold card...now shut up! But fine, give me one more opportunity and I'll get you the gig of your dreams. Coincidentally, your band and your culo just became the wet dream of every knuckledragger on C Block. The moral of the story is rock 'n roll doesn't have time for your crossover band and unless I get mine, neither do I.

Band arrested after blocking southbound 101 freeway to perform

HOLLYWOOD — An apparent publicity stunt by a band snarled traffic on the southbound Hollywood (101) Freeway in Hollywood today, leaving thousands of motorists stuck in a miles-long backup.

The driver of a large black truck decorated with pictures and the name of a band turned the vehicle across several lanes of freeway traffic near Sunset Boulevard shortly after 11 a.m., leaving just one lane barely passable, according to California Highway Patrol Officer Jennifer Connelly.

As traffic ground to a halt, three members of the band climbed on top of the truck, put up an American flag and began performing. Police arrived and the three were arrested, but another person took the keys to the truck and drove off in another vehicle.

Police had to call in a tow truck to remove the truck.

The truck was removed and the lanes were reopened shortly after noon.

The band, the Imperial Stars, are a self-described "hard core hip hop band" from Orange County, according to its website. The group has a song called "Traffic Jam 101."

Booking Your Own Goddamned Gigs: Killing Time Until the lnevitable 12 Gauge Buffet

Unlike the art of cooking up over a $10 camping stove on the street without getting caught, booking gigs is an art form that few have mastered. There's an obvious reason why: bookers really don't want to be found by you because you and your band are like a cancer on your local music scene. Booking you is a sure way for any bar to lose money, reputation, or celebratory after-gig rails off the monitors. Some people still don't know that they're shit, so I felt obligated to offer my unwanted advice free of charge all over their facebook event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=161145733911192&v=wall&story_fbid=163643150328117

When these guys wake up in about 2 hours and see that I've pissed the truth about their gig all over their fuck page, they're probably not going to be too happy. They'll probably panic and delete everything to keep the 1 person who actually will show up from canceling. So to preserve my beautiful, hallucinatory wisdom I offer you a transcript:

=====================

(Note: Radio City New Island Rock had just given me admin powers of their event page for absolutely no reason.)

Spike: Holy shit, I'm an administrator? Can I abuse my powers to ban you all to a life of dinner show gigs at Uncle Charlie's Saigon Hepatitis Hut? You go on at 3. AM or PM, it doesn't really matter either way.

Them: We had no idea what powers we were bestowing you. I suppose If that's the place were Harrison Ford gets his tacos, then yes... Gig get's kicked off at 9

Spike: So your real gig starts at 9? Either there are no other bands desperate enough to play that taco hut you call a venue or your manager is a booker BJ machine. I'm putting my money on the first one...

(no reply)

Spike: I see that this venue also likes to randomly charge people admission for shows that no one would see even if they were being paid to go to them. Are you sure this place is in Witchita and not LA?!? http://www.myspace.com/thesecretastronauts/photos/23398983

(no reply)

Spike: Also, I don't know of many venues worth playing where the bookers post their phone numbers right on their myspace. The smell of desperation (and cooking heroin) is in the air...

Here's their shitty venue: http://www.myspace.com/rockislandli...veict
and here's the Relax Bar in LA (a shitty venue, but not as bad as fucking Dante's Pizzeria and Venue here): http://www.myspace.com/relaxbar

Notice the lack of booker's phone number?? It's because they don't want people flooding them 24 hours a day with word of their latest EP and/or meth acquisition. So let's face it, you've booked a shitty gig--what else is new? Just try to make the best of it and get all the free alcohol poisoning that you can before the bloat sinks in and your pasty body is found by a jogger behind the Smell.

(still no reply)

======================

[ By the way, here's a list of venues and their webpages to prove my point ]

Reality is cruel. Venues are run by idiots who hate music, The members of Shiloe still roam the earth, Passion Pit's "NAMBLA Patrol" tour still rolls on as they haven't hit a patch of black ice and Cliff Burton'd in their tour van, and the piss cup that was thrown at MGMT turned out to be a cup of stale Manchester ale. ALE?!? Goddamnit, I've lost my faith in everything now...

What more do I need to say? You don't stand a fucking chance of getting an audience to your gigs no matter what you do on stage. THE END.

Notes n' Coke

- Monsanto, which started out as one of the planets largest chemical companies is also responsible for such chemical compounds as Agent Orange, Bovine Growth Hormone, PCBs and genetically-engineered crops. They're still operating and spraying stuff all over the food we eat. Wanna get high? Just go down to the supermarket and buy some food they've sprayed their chemicals on. Did I say "high"? I meant "incredible chest pains and tumors." Shit's wild.

- Steve Albini sez "Sonic Youth stole my last eighth so now I'm gonna call 'em sellouts!" Anyone who sells more than 20 records is a sell out, I guess. Good news, Shiloe: you're still too worthless to sellout! Milk it for all the indie cred you can. Anyway, read the part of the interview where he says that he hopes GQ magazine fails....in an interview with GQ magazine. Yep, yet another person/company that won't ever return Steve Albini's calls again. Like his ex-wife. Or his family. Or anyone in the town he lives in. Which is why he had to break down and do an interview about music in GQ magazine in the first place -- no music magazine would talk to him. I'm looking forward to Steve Albini's interview in Home and Garden Magazine in 10 years after he's burned all his bridges. He'll call the interviewer a sellout, shit his pants, and start huffing from a paint can to keep the machine elves out of his brain. Another bridge needlessly burned, Fuck YEAH!