You Can Thank Me Later, Fuckos: I Killed Shiloe's Career

Oh fuck, oh fuck...I'm coming down off of my last few lines of ajax and fiberglass powder. I need something to kill the buzz--let's see what Shiloe's doing. Typing in myspace.com/shiloemusic...oh shit 404 error not found! Looks like I wiped my ass with their careers enough to make them ashamed of their shitty myspace site. Next up: Hexham Heads. They're totally a different band guys. Seriously.

Now if you're like me, you don't really think of them as a band. You think of them as 2 assholes who just keep pushing it until their luck (or parent's money) runs out. So usually I don't pay them any mind. But last week I was on CDBaby trying to review the Shiloe CD I found in the dumpster of Shakey's on Pico last week, when I saw some fucking hipster beat me to it. AND...he actually got it right! Holy shit, looks like I'm getting the message out about their shitty guitar raping "music."

"Tour De Force"
author: Rondell Gilkey
I bought this mp3 net release because of all the buzz swirling around the LA Scene (What the fuck?! All the "buzz"?!? - spike). They are not bad per se, but their songs tend to run together. I was disappointed because they say they sound like BRMC but they really only sound like Sonic Youth (which they fucking don't. Come to think of it, they don't sound like Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, either - spike).

Alright Rondell Gilkey, you're starting to get to me now. In what fucked up, ass-backwards universe is Spike Anderson not the biggest threat to Shiloe's reputation?!? I've spent years slagging them off to whatever paint-huffing, disappointed porn surfer stumbles across my shitty internet posts, and if anyone's going to get an angry email from Ken Ramos it's going to be ME.

Fuckin' Quit it.

"Its like being inside a giant pussy, man. -My dealer Tommy Chong

Some dickhead took a brick on my library computer...and I got this shitty email

Some guys never learn, ya know? Like that bum who's always hiding behind the dumpster at mcdonalds these guys aren't afraid to give a halfway decent handjob or even a z-job if your dad is paying. Some jerk thought I played drums and sent me this shitty email. I had to set him straight...right after I kicked him in the baby makers. Check out this shit peddler:
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

from "J. C. Martin"
to "spikeanderson"

Hi Spike,

This is J. C. Martin from Black Angel. We have had a really good four piece band with Reed Barnham on bass; Candy Davider on lead and back-up vocals and percussion; Mike Michaels on drums; and me on lead vocals and guitar. We just started booking shows and had two shows booked for July and August. I was all set to book 12 or 15 shows when our drummer, Mike Michaels, decided to pull out and concentrate on his other parts of his life. Mike is going to play a show with us at Mr. T's Bowl and Nightclub in Highland Park (Los Angeles) on Saturday night July 3 at 10:00 p.m. and the second show if we need him. This band really kicks ass and is headed for the BIG TIME. We now have 38,750 friends on MySpace; have had 245,000 visits to this site; we are being played on 850 FM and internet radio stations; and we have had acclaim for having the Song Of The Year for 2007 by Chuck Eddy, senior music editor of Billboard Magazine in New York. Check us out at www.MySpace.com/BlackAngelBand. We have been offered over ten record distribution deals, but haven't accepted any of them because they won't put any real money up until we "make something happen". That is what we plan to do with our live shows. We have been rehearsing at Albatross Studios in Ventura and in Van Nuys. If you are interested, let me know and I will send you an MP3 with our latest songs on them. Thanks for your interest.

J. C. Martin


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
from spike
to J.C Martin


where do I start...ok

1) from a drummer's point of view the music is boring.

2) mr. t's bowl is a terrible venue and not one that bands that "are going somewhere" should be playing.

3) you guys really need to work on your singing this whole ripping off the rolling stones thing just isn't working.

good luck, you'll need it.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

from J.C. Martin
to spikeanderson


fuck you

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

from spikeanderson
to J.C. Martin


fuck me?? I was just being honest which is more then your bandmates or friends will do apparently because you keep going.

love,

spike

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

from J.C. Martin
to spikeanderson

Dude,
Anyone who puts his goal in music is surviving is a LOSER. Attached you will find that my song, "One Beer" was selected as the Song Of The Year for 2007 by Chuck Eddy, senior music editor of Billboard Magazine in New York, NY. The song has been played on over 850 radio stations worldwide. Attached are reviews or our other albums. I am going to spam you from now on as your mother and father obviously never taught you that "Don't say anything if it isn't nice".

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

THINK YOU CAN READ THIS FOR FREE WITHOUT SENDING SOME SKAG MONEY MY WAY? THINK AGAIN, FUCKO. CLICK ON THE PHOTO AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE AND BUY A SPIKE ANDERSON T-SHIRT SO I WON'T HAVE TO PUBLISH YOUR IP ON HERE AND SEND ALL THE NAMBLA MEMBERS/SHILOE FANS WHO READ THIS AFTER YOU.

Joseph Lieberman is a punk ass!!!!!!11

So, that fucker Joe Lieberman(the guy who used to be a democrat and is now a republican) has a new idea for the internet. He wants the president to be able to shut it down via a "kill switch." I can't read but my roommate Larry was nice enough to read it through a microphone for me(bad side effect of too many reds).
Want to see how this shithead voted? Well, usually I charge a handful of amyls and a couple drags of nitrous but hey I'm feeling "medicated" so why the fuck not?

www.votesmart.org/voting_category.php?can_id=53278

The guy is a pussy because now he's "backing off" according to Yahoo news. Look it up shit stain!!1

Best Riot Since '63

Here's Some Music Made That Sounds Like It's Made By Mental Patients Raping A Room Full of Instruments

Hey Fuckmops, quit trying to teabag your buddies during band practice and listen to some real music. The greatest band in the history of cocaine has just recorded this shit in the Silverlake YMCA's computer lab in 12 minutes. That's right, a new track from Sexual Hitler. Yeah, you might as well sell your guitar to buy a 12 gauge to put in your mouth for dinner, because you're never gonna be able to compete. Sucker.


Sexual Hitler - Scrotum Buffet



Marty Stevens put together an album, and you'd better lock your doors if you don't want to hear it. That fucker will break in, blast his shitty generic rock on yer jambox, and wake you up at 3 AM. What else is he gonna do when he's speeding and needs to interrupt someone's day to get his kicks?



Marty Stevens - Break, Enter, and Fuck Up Your Day

Freddy Mendoza, Former Zepplin Roadie

Shit, I remember Freddy! He was the guy in the road crew who we would use whenever we needed someone to hide something up their ass. Sept of '68, Zepplin-Cream European tour...he hid 4 bricks of angel dust up his ass and strolled through a checkpoint outside of Milan. Turns out it wasn't a checkpoint, it was just a gas station and the attendant had to hose him down with mace to keep him from biting through the gas pump while he was screaming, "Fuck the French!" Well Freddy blacked out and we never found out what happened to all that PCP, but if this video is any indication it'd be easy to guess...

more reasons Dane Cook is a fucking untalented moron

"What do you say when an atheist sneezes?" You could tell the guy bless you without the God seeing as to he's an atheist. Or you could turn it into a reason to keep mainstream America mad at anyone who doesn't share their beliefs. Sure, the atheist guy was probably kind of an asshole. But the funny thing is that the difference between an asshole atheist and an asshole Christian is that an asshole atheist doesn't funnel money into a proposition to keep gay people from marrying each other, which is essentially legislating Christian beliefs onto all of the rest of us. Has there ever been a proposition or law on the books that kept Christians from praying to Jesus?

I get it now, Dane Cook needs to stay on God's nice side because its a miracle that he hasn't been killed by lightening or hit by a car filled with nuns. Unlike Dane's live show I would pay to see that. I hope those nuns have insurance that will cover shit stains.



If you're a fundamentalist Christian, don't watch these:

Looks like this kid is at it again.

So, as I was taking a shit in some newpaper I came across an article about Julian Assange and Bradley Manning. These fuckers just don't know when to quit. Don't fuck with uncle sam kids!!11

Where in the world is Julian Assange?

Yesterday the Daily Beast's Phil Shenon reported that Pentagon investigators are frantically searching for Assange, the white-haired and willfully inscrutable founder of WikiLeaks, in the hopes of stopping him from exposing more than 200,000 classified diplomatic cables: "Pentagon investigators are trying to determine the whereabouts of the Australian-born founder of the secretive website WikiLeaks for fear that he may be about to publish a huge cache of classified State Department cables that, if made public, could do serious damage to national security, government officials tell The Daily Beast."

Manhunt! It has all the makings of a thriller: An elusive renegade, government agents, and thousands of poor State Department bureaucrats nervously awaiting the disclosure of their darkest secrets. But it would be a pretty short movie — if the crack Pentagon investigators charged with protecting our national security had done a simple Web search before contacting Shenon, they would have quickly found that Assange is scheduled to appear on a panel in Las Vegas this afternoon at the annual conference of the group Investigative Reporters and Editors. (The Daily Beast has since reported Assange has cancelled that appearance; see update below.)

WikiLeaks posted a link to the conference website on its Twitter feed today — presumably to tweak investigators and seeming to confirm that Assange will indeed show up. His participation on the panel has been public since at least May 17. WikiLeaks also helpfully posted notice of another appearance — this time by WikiLeaks' Daniel Schmitt — at a free-speech seminar in Brussels in two weeks.

It's not clear what, if any, measures Pentagon officials could take if they showed up at the conference — or intercepted Assange on his way there. But finding a legal pretext to take him into custody likely wouldn't prevent the release of any documents — WikiLeaks' servers are housed in Sweden — and the optics of American officials taking the unprecedented step of bagging a journalist at a conference of journalists would be less than optimal. They could simply ask him nicely not to publish them — perhaps they could slip a question to former Washington Post editor Len Downie, who's moderating Assange's panel?

The State Department cables Assange is said to be on the verge of leaking were allegedly handed to WikiLeaks by Bradley Manning. Manning, an Army intelligence analyst, was outed this week by reformed hacker Adrian Lamo as a security risk after he contacted Lamo via instant messager to confess his role in leaking video of two Reuters staffers being killed by U.S. soldiers in Baghdad. Wired's Threat Level blog, which initially broke the story of Manning's arrest and the circumstances by which Lamo turned him in, posted large portions of their chat conversations today, and they show Manning to be a conscientious and anxious man who became disillusioned after watching Iraqi police officers detain political dissidents while his superiors stood by:

was watching 15 detainees taken by the Iraqi Federal Police... for printing "anti-Iraqi literature"... the iraqi federal police wouldn't cooperate with US forces, so i was instructed to investigate the matter, find out who the "bad guys" were, and how significant this was for the FPs... it turned out, they had printed a scholarly critique against PM Maliki... i had an interpreter read it for me... and when i found out that it was a benign political critique titled "Where did the money go?" and following the corruption trail within the PM's cabinet... i immediately took that information and *ran* to the officer to explain what was going on... he didn't want to hear any of it... he told me to shut up and explain how we could assist the FPs in finding *MORE* detainees...

At other moments in the chats, Manning describes himself as "isolated" and "self-medicating like crazy." He provided few details about the content of the cables he claims to have leaked. One, he said, involved "the Holy See and its position on the Vatican sex scandals."

The portions of the chat transcripts released show Lamo as an almost disinterested interlocutor, posing a few questions here and there while Manning unburdened himself. They do not include an exchange, previously described by Lamo to Yahoo! News, in which Lamo allegedly offered Manning an opportunity to speak as a source to a reporter — which would have obligated Lamo to protect his identity if Manning requested it — and Manning declined.

They show a keen interest on Lamo's part in WikiLeaks' security procedures, and how it protects the anonymity of its leakers: "Does Assange use AIM or other messaging services? I'd like to chat with him one of these days about opsec [operational security]," Lamo asked at one point. At some point during their chats, Lamo alerted federal authorities to Manning's role in the leaks but kept chatting with him. It's unclear whether Lamo's questions about "opsec" at WikiLeaks occurred before or after he went to the authorities, but if they occurred after, they could have been part of an attempt to gather intelligence to help U.S. officials penetrate the site's security.

UPDATE: The Daily Beast is now reporting that Assange canceled his appearance in Las Vegas "within the last several days," according to Investigative Reporters and Editors executive director Mark Horvik. That means the group has been using its Twitter feed to engage in a little disinformation. We imagine there's a disappointed Army Criminal Investigations Division agent lurking outside the Paris Las Vegas hotel right about now.

Want to know what that exchange was between Brad Manning and Adrian Lamo?? Of course you do.

The whole thing is available at http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2010/06/wikileaks-chat/

Cash Grab of the Week: Lady Gaga

Well, shit, It's about time someone made a piece of film that references the holocaust which in and of itself is worse than the actual holocaust. I'm speaking about Lady Gaga's incredibly boring, bloated, money drain of a video for "Alejandro".



Guess what? Madonna's career is over and no one misses her, you cunt. She, David Bowie, and a million other people have already done what you're doing years before you did it. And why is it that every fuckbag on the face of the planet seems stuck in the 80's right now? We've got the annoying ironic fashion, overproduced shitty dance music, and now Madonna's come back and she looks like a rat that's been died blonde and fed coke through a feeding tube for 20 years. What's next? The return of kangol hats, love songs that refer to your girlfriends' vagina as "cherry pie," and Spandau Ballet?

Oh yeah, and the artistic integrity of Lady Gaga? Apparently it's now brought to you by Polaroid -- In January 2010, she was named chief creative officer for a line of imaging products for Polaroid, stating that she will create fashion, technology and photography products. It's great that your music career is just a launch pad for your career as a salesman.

By the way, it's great that Lady Gaga has so much of a say in her music, fasion choices, blah blah blah I don't really give a shit. Well apparently she doesn't much of a say in these things, because it came out in an interview that she had to ask her record company nicely so she could shoot the photos for her album the way she wanted to. I quote: "Cover artwork was done by Hedi Slimane and has a gothic look which Gaga had to convince her record company to allow her to shoot." First sign of a real artist? Having to ask permission to make their art. I know that right before Jimi Hendrix got on stage at Woodstock he put in a call to Reprise Records to ask if it was alright with them beforehand. Jesus, he'd probably laugh until the needles fell out of his veins at the idea that anyone would have to ask permission to shoot a fucking photo session.

She's fucking profound n' shit, too. Like...deep man. Yeeeeah. Check out the text of her tattoo of a Rainer Maria Rilke quote:

In the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you would die if you were forbidden to write. And look deep into your heart where it spreads its roots, the answer, and ask yourself, must I write?
—Rainer Maria Rilke

I respect you much more as an actor now, Lady Gaga, because it takes real talent to convince people you can actually fucking read. Of course, the quote is of one English translation. The real German probably reads more like this:

"Poker Face" is the audio equivalent of stepping on a pile of cold dog shit in the morning. Fuck, why is my name tattooed on this bitch?!? Right now I'm doing somersaults in my grave. Thanks.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

Anyway, this article says so much more about Lady Gaga than I ever could.

America: Fuck Yeah!

I don't care what that fuck Jesus Ayala says, Spike Anderson is a patriot! I love mom's laced apple pies, frog baseball, and on Fourth of July I chew on a bag of reds, white crosses, and blue viagra.

When I see our boys in Iraq shooting at uppity fucks with cameras and the people who pull over to try to help them, it makes me giddy.


I hope someone holds these people accountable...for holding cameras. Because who said these fucks were allowed to have cameras???? Good shootin', Tex! To quote the man himself, "Hah, that guy just drove over a body." Ha ha ha. Ha. ha. That's pretty funny, bro. Hey, I'm glad this guy gets to share his private joke with all of us now that the video is leaked. I'm sure we'll all find it HIGH-larious how people are fleeing from his attack on a van full of children.

When the Pentagon found out about the video being leaked, what was their reaction? Did they pussy out and offer a public apology? Maybe try to court marshal the guys who did it and send them to military prison? Fuck NO! What are they, some kinda goddamned shit-eating communists?!? They did what the military always does -- deny, deny, deny. Then call them unpatriotic. Then deny some more -- Reuters said that U.S. Defense Secretary Robert Gates criticized WikiLeaks for releasing the video without providing any context.

Yeah! What about the CONTEXT of the video? I'll bet the guys with cameras did something really bad off screen just before they're blown to hell. Same thing with those kids in that van. I'll bet they made their sister cry or something. It's everyone else's fault for reading too much into things!

What about the guy who leaked this video, Bradley Manning? And why isn't he being beaten round-the-clock by government thugs like he woulda been in the good ol' days? Don't worry friends, this thought-terrorist is being tortured by "no-touch torture" in the federal clink in Quantico, VA. One person said of the man, ""If Manning is convicted, it will be because his individual dedication to human ethics far surpasses that of the US government." You mean mowing people down in the street with an Apache's minigun isn't ethical?! Here's the little terrorist right here, clearly displaying his hatred of all mankind by wearing a Hollister t-shirt:

Seems to me like he's more of a threat to the fuckin' Chipotle salsa bar than to anyone's national security.

(By the way, it's a good thing that we've got all these great investigative journalists around exposing this sort of thing so that it doesn't have to be brought to everyone's attention by a junkie from Pico)

Anyway, fuck terrorists. Or people with cameras. They're one and the same, bitches.

When in doubt, destroy everything

Cash Grab of The Week: Daft Punk Pieces of shit or Really REALLY big pieces of shit?

Guess what kids I had a great idea 10 years ago while I was passed out after huffing one too many amyl nitrates behind the Chuck E. Cheese "restaurant" on Pico. I should have known after my dealer called them his "King Fuckin' Hell special." Anyway, my idea...robot costumes. Oh, and shitty techno music trying to be passed off as being made by someone who wasn't a souless jerk with no goddamn talent or abilty to actually play a FUCKING INSTRUMENT. Well, I never got around to it.
It's too bad because that shit band Daft Punk beat me too it. But, even my black tar heart wouldn't have made a fucking GAP COMMERCIAL. I mean fuck I'd rather sell my body for sex or better yet sell organs piece by piece. I heard you can get some pretty high grade crystal meth for a good scrotum. If there were any justice in the world Daft Punk would die in a large explosion due to their enormously expensive(and bloated) live show.

Their latest artistic decision was designing a couple of bottles for coke. Yeah, I know--you'd sign any piece of paper with the word "coke" written on it, wouldn't you? Been there, done that, had the coke spoon bronzed and mounted. But just when you expect to dive nose first into a mountain of Columbia's finest, you find yourself being whored out to a company that was run by Nazi sympathizers during the 40's.

Shit man I'd take care of these "Punks" myself with my riding lawnmower but unfortunately my insurance doesn't cover shit stains!!11 Better yet, I should call my roommate Larry to bring his remington 700 sniper rifle next time he visits his family in Paris, France. But, what if he's busy? He is always willing to loan it....how much for a one way ticket to Paris?!1